This article stems from a moment of introspection and the desire to share something I’m often asked:

“Why are you so hard on yourself?”

At first glance, I realize that those around me see me as very self-critical. And that leads me to this reflection:

If I’m so critical of myself, do people assume I’m also critical of others?

Or, perhaps more deeply: are they actually saying that I’m critical of them, but it’s easier to say I’m just hard on myself?

Let’s reflect on that for a moment…

Yes, I admit it — I’m a very critical person and very detail-oriented. My background shaped me into someone analytical, with a strong sense of what’s fair and unfair. And while I see that as a positive trait, I know that, socially, it often isn’t.

Sometimes I make quick judgments — about situations, people, tasks, however/maybe because I’m used to being given responsibilities and needing to assess them thoroughly and ensure quality in the final delivery.

Let me explain with an analogy…

The garden hose

I arrive at someone’s backyard — someone I’ve just met — and they ask me to water the plants.
I look around and see a hose all tangled on the ground.

Here’s what I do:

1. I think, “Why isn’t the hose put away properly?”
2. I untangle the hose.
3. I water the plants.
4. I ask if there’s anything else that needs watering.
5. I neatly put the hose back where it belongs.

In reality, I was given just one task. But I quickly turned it into five.
At my place, it would’ve been four — because the hose wouldn’t be tangled in the first place, but for many people I know, it will always just be one.

I don’t want to judge others… but in the end, that’s exactly what I end up doing.

Let’s be honest: we all judge. Some more, some less. But usually, those who are less tolerant of others are even harder on themselves.

We all make mistakes. Because we’re all human.
(And the day we stop making mistakes may be the day we’ve lost what makes us human.)

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At work

When I’m given a task at work, my approach is very similar to the hose:

• I tidy up what I can without bothering anyone. (Untangle the hose.)
• I do the task I was asked to do. (Water the plants.)
• I identify areas for improvement, technical debt, and escalate the topic if needed. (Ask if anything else needs watering.)
• I leave things better than I found them: I comment my code, and I comment on code that has no comments. (Put the hose away, untangled.)

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So, why am I so hard on myself (and others)?

I have the privilege to work on something I love so, everything I do I do it with passion commitment and joy. This is what everyone should be doing. If you don’t like what you do, and you don’t commit and deliver your work with joy, you eventually might

I try to achieve perfection in everything I do and I expect others around me to do the same but this sometimes result in frustration and miss expectations;

I see people not caring enough of their work and sometimes don’t even with intentions to learn;

I continue to believe that everyone should work with commitment, care and passion;

This way of being isn’t always easy — for me, or for those around me. Maybe you see yourself in this, maybe not. Either way, what matters is becoming more aware of our patterns — not with guilt, but with a will to grow.

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And you?

How do you water the plants in your own backyard?